Chapter 105: A Monk in Florida

At night, in a small courtyard on the outskirts of the Sun-Moon Sect’s town, a man sat dozing. Before him lay Buddhist scriptures, their pages worn and aged, bearing the weight of many years.

“Clang…”

His bald head suddenly collided with the stone table in the courtyard.

Groggily, he rubbed his shiny scalp and yawned. Rising to his feet, Wu Ke patted the open Buddhist texts on the table and gently closed them. He brushed dust from his seat, scratched his head, and gazed thoughtfully at the courtyard behind him.

Entering the house, which hadn’t been cleaned in over a month, Wu Ke swept the floor, wiped the table, and closed the windows. He retrieved a cloth from the cabinet, contemplated for a moment, then packed a change of clothes along with two fan-made comic books about Jiang Lin. Extinguishing the candlelight inside, he quietly closed the door.

Just as Wu Ke stepped out of the courtyard, a man, a bird, and a pig descended from the night sky.

“The third wheel, found your wife?” the bird teased.

“Third wheel” was a nickname Jiang Lin had given Wu Ke. None of them really knew what a third wheel was, but Jiang Lin said it was a glowing bald head.

“Well, that fits then…”

“Heh heh heh… yeah, I found her,” Wu Ke smiled, wiping his nose with a naive yet sly charm.

“Don’t rush it,” the pig flapped its wings. “If you want a wife, Brother Jiang will definitely bring that Cuìhuā back for you. Guaranteed to keep you warm at night.”

Wu Ke hurriedly waved his hand. “No way, I can’t not be anxious. What if Brother Jiang likes my wife? I can’t beat him… Also… it’s not Cuìhuā, it’s Liánhuā.”

“Cuìhuā, Liánhuā, what’s the difference?” the bird rolled its eyes at Wu Ke. “Brother Jiang has a master, you think he’d go for your wife?”

“That’s not certain. My Liánhuā is so beautiful; what if Brother Jiang gets interested? Brother, I’m really in a bind.”

The man lightly tapped Wu Ke’s bald head. “Enough nonsense. You’re not worried Brother Jiang will like Cuìhuā, you’re afraid Cuìhuā will like Brother Jiang, right?”

“Liánhuā…” Wu Ke wanted to punch them all. “And how could Cuìhuā—ah, I mean Liánhuā—like someone else? She only likes me, okay?”

“Give me a break,” the man sighed, then continued, “Wu Ke, what are you thinking? In the previous life, Liánhuā met me when I went out to peddle fake swords. Then you went after her too, but in the end, she liked a scholar.”

The bird added, “And in Liánhuā’s life before that, when I was doing postpartum care for other sows, I also met Liánhuā. You rushed out frantically then too, but she ended up falling for a lily.”

“That’s not all!” the pig couldn’t help but chime in.

“I’ll tell you, in Liánhuā’s life before that, I was assigned to the delivery hall for poor performance and guess what? The recipient was none other than Liánhuā. That day, Wu Ke dragged me outside, but it turned out Liánhuā was already married, and the delivery was a Qixi Festival gift from a Sun-Moon Sect cultivator… Actually, Liánhuā is a disciple of the Sun-Moon Sect…”

“At that time, Wu Ke, that idiot with the glowing head, lived in the western part of the city, and Liánhuā lived in the east…”

“Wu Ke, can you be a man? Stop this spiritual romance nonsense. I don’t give a damn about your love! Can’t you just be straightforward?” the bird pounded Wu Ke’s bald head with frustration. “You’re no longer a Buddhist disciple!”

“Who says I’m not?” Wu Ke stood proudly. “Even after all these years, I can recite the Diamond Sutra backward!”

“Oh really? Then recite one for us!” they challenged.

“Diamond Sutra backward!” Wu Ke retorted.

“…”

“What the hell are you guys doing?”

“Don’t slap my face…”

“Who kicked me in the balls?”

“Ah! My poor behind!”

Under the moonlight and stars, the man, bird, and pig rolled the bald-headed Wu Ke on the ground, rubbing him mercilessly…

After an incense stick burned down, the trio finally patted their clothes, satisfied.

Wu Ke rose, bruised and battered, chewed on a golden lotus flower nurtured by his own natural fertilizer, and instantly returned to his original state.

“Wu Ke, no offense, but you really need courage. What did Brother Jiang say back then? If you like her, just go for it. What’s the point of confessing? Besides, you haven’t even confessed in your past lives. What are you waiting for? Buddhist disciple shyness?”

Wu Ke looked at the man innocently, blinking like a big guy acting cute. “Isn’t that so?”

The man’s face twitched in irritation. “You? Buddhist disciple? Have you ever seen a Buddhist disciple who drinks, eats meat, and squats on street corners with us watching girls?”

“Hey! Don’t slander me. I drink and eat meat because I have Buddha in my heart. The reason I squat on street corners isn’t to watch girls, it’s… it’s the water! Brother Jiang said women are like water!”

“Then what about this bellyband you’re wearing?” The pig suddenly pulled open Wu Ke’s deep V shirt, revealing a pale red bellyband embroidered with strawberries.

“Ah, strawberries again… Wait a minute… that bellyband looks just like the one my cousin wears…”

Suddenly, the conversation stopped. The bird and pig glanced at the man next to them.

“Too much! Wu Ke, you actually bought my cousin’s bellyband!” The man jumped up angrily. “Wait! How did you two recognize it?”

“Wait, cousin, there must be some misunderstanding!” the pig quickly defended.

“What else is there to say? I treat you like a brother, and you want to be my cousin’s husband! I’m… I’m going to lose it!”

Immediately, the man, the bald head, the bird, and the pig started wrestling fiercely…

“Crash!”

During the scuffle, the man’s claw accidentally tore the cousin’s clothes…

Emmm…

It was pale red, with strawberries embroidered on it…

For a moment…

The man, the bald head, the bird, and the pig all fell silent.

The scene was intensely awkward.

“Ahem… Don’t worry, everyone. This life, I will definitely win Liánhuā’s heart. Besides, I’m not rushing to see her immediately. I need to return to the Ten Thousand Buddha Continent for a while, so please don’t worry about me.”

Wu Ke broke the silence, adjusted his deep V shirt, slung his bag over his shoulder, and quietly left.

At the same time, the others tidied their clothes and awkwardly turned to go home.

But as they walked, the man, the bird, and the pig all stopped and stared in the direction Wu Ke had gone.

Long ago, a saying circulated across the Buddhist Continent:

“There is a monk in the Buddhist Continent who can comprehend myriad laws.”

But why…

Did this bald head…

No matter how you looked at him…

Not seem to fit the description at all?